Patti's Emerald Fantasy Adventure
My Fantasy Fulfilled
Who Am I? I am Patricia Kay Bennett or Patti Kay as I like to be called.
Have you ever felt like something was not right, that something was very, very wrong with how you felt, who you were, or what you were doing? I have felt that way all my entire life. I have been uncomfortable with myself since before puberty. I made myself conform to what others expected of me. But, I was never really me. To be truthful, I've never known who I really was. Whenever I started to sense who I was, I would suppress it since that was not who I was supposed to be.
My life has been one of guilt and confusion. Every day I've lived with feelings and emotions that were not supposed to be me but that kept haunting me every waking hour and sometimes in my sleep. I could never put my finger on what it was that I wanted or why I felt so guilty. Perhaps it was simply guilt at not being me. Perhaps it was fear of who I really was that was buried in my subconscious. Perhaps it was a result of my deep-set confusion at not being able to know what I wanted, or recognizing my own emotions and feelings. I've lived my entire life defining myself through others, doing what others wanted me to do or doing what others told me I should do. I never really knew what I wanted or what I wanted to do. I valued myself through others not for myself. My confidence and self-esteem have always been defined by others.
So? If I remember correctly, one day in November of 2007, I was surfing the internet and I came across a reference to cross-dressing and the transgender community. Out of curiosity I followed some links and references. The result was that I learned that there is an entire spectrum of people out there like me. Some are cross-dressers, some transgendered, some are transsexual. It was an exhilarating feeling to discover that I was not alone. I was not weird, I was not gay, I was somewhere between the man I was and the woman I wanted to be. That made me a cross-dresser, possibly a transgendered, or maybe even a transsexual. This was definitely enlightenment and clarity, but added more confusion as to who I really am.
Again, so what? In researching who I was and the transgender universe I found that there are people out there providing services to make a man the woman they have buried inside. One of the best websites and most informative is Emerald Fantasy located in Seattle, WA. I kept returning to the site to find out about their transformation services and I kept dreaming of the day when I could actually take advantage of their services. Well, that opportunity unexpected arrived in late September, 2007. I had previously visited Seattle and loved the city. What better combination than Seattle, Emerald Fantasy, and some time en femme as Patti.
Because of other obligations, the times I had available to take advantage of the services of Emerald Fantasy were mornings and afternoons, I had a problem. Normally Emerald Fantasy provides transformation services in the evening and nighttime. I attempted to contact Emerald Fantasy and arrange for their services with a modified schedule to fit the times I had available. But, they would not respond to my inquiries. I tried numerous times and even contacted girls who had utilized their services. All to no avail. I was devastated! The time was fast approaching and I would have to spend the entire Seattle visit en drab with Patti never seeing who see really was. I kept trying desperately to contact Emerald Fantasy. At long last I received a response to my inquires and was able to get some of my questions and concerns addressed. Come to find out, the web servers for Emerald Fantasy had been corrupted and no e-mails or communications through the web were reaching them. WHAT A RELIEF! Annie from Emerald Fantasy helped me to make arrangements and even modified her starting time to be more compatible with my schedule in Seattle.
Fast forward from May 2007 to late September of the same year. I arrived in Seattle and my nerves were frayed at the possibility of fulfilling a long held fantasy, but at the conflicting desire to run away from it all and not go through with my arrangements with Emerald Fantasy. My desires to be Patti won out and at the appointed time I went to visit Emerald Fantasy.
Annie showed up right on time. She is an attractive slender woman who dresses conservatively. We exchanged greetings and she invited me into her salon. I had sent some of my clothes ahead so together we carried them inside where she asked to see what I had brought. As I unpacked, we discussed what I had in mind for my adventures as Patti. I told her I wanted to be en femme, work on my walking, mannerisms and as far as a specific goal to get a wig that was more appropriate for me. I informed Annie that I felt uncomfortable going out en femme and I would rather work on my feminine graces rather than go out, especially in the light of day and definitely NOT FOR PATTI'S FIRST TIME OUT IN PUBLIC!
So that I could better savor the experience of being a woman, Annie had me dress in my underpinnings, including breast forms, hosiery, and high heels. Then it was into the salon chair for makeup. I had my choice of restrained or glam makeup. Since I did not have clothes or the desire to play the hooker, I opted for the restrained and age-appropriate style. Annie worked on my makeup while we talked and sipped our wine. The wine was definitely a calming influence on my fluttering heart and breathing. I needed that! At last she was finished. I felt I looked kind of like a drag queen sitting there in my intimate apparel and makeup but short man-hair. Annie quickly corrected that by having me try on numerous wigs of different hair styles and colors. Some looked good to me and some did not. Annie was patient and addressed my concerns and tastes. Finally it was time to try on some of my outfits.
We spent the next couple of hours trying on different outfits and wigs and taking pictures of Patti to record my experience so I could look back at them and giggle, cringe, or reminisce whatever the case might be. A number of times Annie had me step outside onto the landing in front of her studio so she could take pictures of me in the daylight. In retrospect, I think this was her way to the next big step - GETTING PATTI OUT IN PUBLIC! She had me try on some of her clothes and some of mine until we came upon an outfit that we both liked and went well with the wig I favored. I was transformed into a streaked blonde with lots of hair in loose curls. Since it was a warm sunny day, I had selected a short, knee-length, straight black skirt, nude hose, and black pumps with a frilly print blouse to complement the skirt and provide some camouflage of my male physique. Since this was the middle of the afternoon and neither of us had had anything to eat, Annie suggested we go out for lunch. Panic time again!! NO! NO! Do I really look presentable? Should we really do this? Between my own curiosity and Annie's confidence and reassurances, we went out.
On Patti's first en femme outing we cruised around for a while as Annie gave me the cook's tour of Seattle. Finally, we agreed on a Thai restaurant in a cozy collegiate-type neighborhood. We parked right outside of the restaurant. I was able to slide out of the car and step hesitantly into the restaurant. We were seated in the middle of the restaurant facing the street. Tables and patrons were behind, on the sides and in front of us. I was anxious and definitely did not have nerves of steel. Would someone give us, i.e. me dirty looks, or would someone say something derogatory? Worry - Worry! The first challenge came when the waiter, possibly the owner himself, came over to get our beverage order. We ordered and he did not even flinch or bat an eye at my order. Certainly he made me, but it was like business as usual for him. This is what Annie had said would be the case, but this was a big and uncertain step for me. We received our beverages and proceeded to have our meal. Definitely delicious, especially having it en femme in a busy restaurant. Women at two of the tables facing us had lingering glances at me but did not noticeably react. They also did not apparently find it worthy enough to inform their male companions of my presence and they went about their meals. It was a nerve racking and delicious experience all rolled into one.
Upon finishing our meal, we stepped outside and Annie took me reluctantly for a walking tour of the neighborhood. We walked a few blocks down the street past stores and other pedestrians. No one seemed to take notice of me. I was in heaven. Here I was en femme walking on a crowded city street wearing a skirt and heels experiencing the feel of the light breezes on my silken covered legs and walking at a brisk pace in comfortable 3 inch spike heeled pumps. FANTASTIC!
We walked down the street a few blocks and then crossed over. It seems Annie is a chocoholic and knew where a favorite haunt was for chocolate. The truth be known, so am I, so I let her talk me into a hot chocolate and some dessert at a specialty chocolate establishment. We went in and were seated at a small table by the large plate glass window facing the street without any fanfare or untoward attention. We ordered and enjoyed our hot chocolate and Boston Cream dessert and had a lively chat as we enjoyed our dessert. Again, the servers and the patrons never seemed to notice me. As Annie had stated, if I was conservative in my attire and makeup, I would blend in. If I was made, the West Coast attitude of acceptance would kick in and I'd be accepted as a man who enjoyed his feminine side.
After we paid our bill, we left and walked back down the street toward where we left the car, but not before Annie snapped some great photos of me on the street. We climbed back in the car and since my time for the day was nearing an end, we drove back so I could again be en drab. However, I was in for another surprise. As I disrobed, I was told I looked sexy in my lingerie and I should get some photos of me just in my intimate apparel. I don't know why I agreed, but we did exactly that! I could not believe I was a lingerie model! With the photo session over I had to call it a day. But what a day! What do I remember most? I remember the emotions of being out in public for the first time. I remember the feel of the breezes on my legs, the feel of walking down a crowded public street in high heels. I remember the sensation of sitting at small tables and having to remember to discretely sit and cross my legs in feminine mode rather than legs spread in boy mode. I remember a thousand and one little things that made it an unforgettable experience. I will FOREVER remember this day!
Day two started with me wondering what I would be doing. I still had not fulfilled my objective of shopping for a wig that I felt looked good on me and achieved the look I was after that reflected who I was as a woman. Despite getting lost, I arrived for day two of my adventure a little early. Again, as I waited for Annie, I pondered the previous day and what day this second day would bring. Punctually, Annie arrived and we entered her salon once again, and once again I shed my en drab garments and attired myself in Patti's feminine apparel. Again, Annie did her magic and artistically applied my makeup. Again, my makeup was conservative and age appropriate, and not drag queen or evening overdone.
Once again Patti tried different wigs, this time with the objective of going out to purchase her own, but having fun trying different looks created by the different hair styles and colors combined with different outfits. This time I became a brunette with shoulder length hair. The weather outside for day two was very much on the cool side so although the idea of a skirt and blouse were very appealing I decided that something warmer would be better for blending in with the populace. To this end Patti tried her jeans. They fit snuggly like a second skin. Although feeling great on me and very attractive, it was pointed out that if Patti went out shopping she would have difficulty getting the jeans off and on in a reasonable fashion. Therefore, pair of black slacks, blouse and my black pumps was selected. After a quick photo session, we girls packed up our purses and makeup and piled into the car for our outing.
First stop was to shop for a new wig! We drove to downtown Seattle and found a parking spot near Seattle's famous Pike Place Market. Although I had been to downtown Seattle and the Pike Place Market, I had not been there in daylight while en femme. Nervous is a definite understatement! We had to walk from our parking spot on First Avenue to Pike Street. The sidewalks were crowded with pedestrians but even though we had to wait in a crowd to cross the street, no one reacted to Patti. Tension and exhilaration! We strolled down Pike Street to the Hair Fair wig shop. Upon entering the proprietress greeted us warmly and asked us what we were looking for. I responded that I was looking for a wig for me. There was no way she could not have made me as I have not yet learned how to have a feminine voice. But, she never flinched and proceeded to show us her selection and asking me what I would like to try on. I selected a few wigs that I found attractive and she directed me to a salon chair in the rear of the shop where she had mirrors, hair brushes, etc. We proceeded to try on and model numerous wigs. During this time, a couple of older women entered the store together and looked around. They stood behind me as I tried on numerous wigs. I kept watching them but they just observed the goings on. No faces, no comments, no apparent emotions, and there was no hiding the fact that I was not a genetic female. Perhaps they were tourists and thought I was a 'Seattle thing'! Another older woman also entered during this time and looked to see what was going on and quietly left.
Finally I selected a wig that I felt was attractive on me and short enough and a style to be age appropriate for me. I paid and amidst smiles and an invitation from the owner to return we left the shop. Outside was one of the famous Seattle 'Pigs on Parade'. If you are not familiar with them, each pig is decorated as an individual art object and auctioned off for charity. Annie thought I should celebrate my new purchase by getting my picture taken on the sidewalk with the pig and the wig shop in the background. So I did! Just down the block was Pike Place Market. Annie shifted me around so that the world famous market was in the background. As I was having my picture taken one of Seattle's Duck tour vehicles came along and stopped next to me. I could have reached out and touched it without straightening my arm! There I was standing on the curb getting my picture taken and this open-air tour bus filled with tourists stops at the curb right next to me! What would happen? What would they say? In actuality, the driver struck up a friendly banter with Annie saying among other things, "You never know what you'll see in Seattle." I think that was a subtle way of referring to me in a very pleasant tone without being derogatory. All the while I tried to keep a smile on my face and fearing what would happen next. But, nothing did! The tour Duck took off and I finished having my photo taken in the crowds along Pike Street.
Annie and I then walked back up Pike Street to the car so we could head to our next adventure. She had a surprise for me. I have no idea where it is we went but we drove to a small city park overlooking downtown Seattle. Annie had me pose for some pictures with the Seattle skyline and the Space Needle in the background. By this time the weather had warmed up and I was wishing I had worn my skirt. Oh well, at least I was out, which was far more than I had ever hoped for when I arranged for my fantasy transformation.
Next stop - SHOPPING! From the park we drove to Northgate Mall. This is a rather large indoor mall on the north side of Seattle. We were going to Penney's to shop for some blouses. When we arrived I was not confident enough in myself to stroll a long ways through the mall to get to Penney's so we parked at a mall entrance near Penney's. We entered the crowded mall and strolled to Penney's. It was a true fantasy to be walking through the people in the mall and hear my high heels clicking on the tile floor. The sounds of the female in search of bargains! The mall entrance to Penney's led us directly into the women's department. We separated. I looking at tops and blouses and Annie looking for some nice things to add to her ever expanding collection of clothes for her clients when they come to experience life as a woman.
I selected some items to try on, as did Annie. We met back at the dressing rooms where we entered and occupied dressing rooms at the end of the changing area, but across the aisle from each other so all we needed to do was open our doors to see each other. I slipped into one item after another. It was so enjoyable being in the Ladies Dressing Room and trying on one blouse after another, opening the door to see if Annie shared my opinion and occasionally stepping out into the Dressing area aisle to do a little pirouette so Annie could see me from all angles and I could see myself in the mirrors for different views and distances. A couple of these times, there were other ladies entering or leaving the Dressing Room area, but no reactions were evident. WHAT A THRILL! I selected about four blouses and Annie asked if I would like to do some lingerie shopping. Not that I didn't need some new items, but I was already nervous enough being in the Woman's Department en femme that I declined so we headed off to the cashier to pay for our items. Annie assured me I would have no problem paying for my selections regardless of having no ID or credit cards showing Patti. We got in line. Some women were ahead of us and others joined behind. Again no reaction from anyone.
As I waited, I listened to the Saleswoman as she completed the transaction ahead of me. Finally, it was my turn. I nervously approached the Saleswoman and presented my selections. She glanced at me and proceeded to process my purchases giving me the same comments she provided to the woman who had been ahead of me. Compared to the previous woman, the Saleswoman gave me no special looks or any change in her tonal inflections to indicate I was anything other than a normal GG on a shopping spree. There is no way she could not have made me based on my looks and voice, and especially after I presented my plastic for payment. But, as Annie had said, the Saleswoman had seen it all and she processed my payment with no hesitation or special attention given to me. I got the same speech about my purchases, returns, and an on-line survey that the previous woman had received. I took my credit card back, put it back into my wallet and purse and took my purchases and waited for Annie. While I waited, a man came up beside me to ask the Saleswoman for some information, which she provided. The man turned and walked away without giving me any special attention. Was I passing as a female, or was this the West Coast reaction I had been told about? There is no knowing for sure.
When Annie had joined me we walked back out into the Mall. Annie asked if I wanted to window shop the Mall. Yes, I did I thought to myself, but I reluctantly said, "No." I was so nervous at being out in a crowded store and Mall on only my second outing that I wasn't sure how I would handle being totally exposed cruising a mall en femme with my high heels clacking loudly on the ceramic tile floor. Would someone call Security? Would people snicker and make fun of me? As a consequence, we walked back to the Mall entrance where we had entered and stepped out into the fresh air. Annie suggested we eat, but it was the middle of the afternoon and I certainly had no idea where to go. We checked a couple of places just outside the mall, but they were either closed or served food that neither of us wanted at that particular moment, so we headed back to the car.
Annie asked if I liked seafood to which I responded, "Definitely!" We hopped into the car and we drove to a small seafood restaurant whose specialty was clam chowder. We parked the car at the curb a short distance from the restaurant and strolled down the sidewalk to the entrance. As we entered the establishment, we were met by the hostess, and she guided us to a booth in the middle of the restaurant. At this time of day the restaurant was not overflowing with patrons but a few were scattered around the dining area. The waiter arrived to describe the menu and specials and to get our beverage order. I ordered a Chardonnay. Annie ordered a mixed drink. We discussed the menu selections, but I could not make up my mind. Since this was a restaurant that specialized in clam chowder, I ordered their clam chowder sampler which offered me a choice of four of their numerous styles of clam chowder. Not really knowing one from another, I selected four when our waiter returned for our order. While we had our meal, Annie and I chatted like long-lost girlfriends. A little about me, and a little about her. Mostly, about me! It was a fun meal, but it was nearing time for Cinderella, that is me, to go back to my life en drab. How I did not want this time to end. I felt I was finally out in the world as the real me that I had kept buried inside!
Alas, all things must end. We finished our meals, paid our check, and returned to the car. Annie drove us back to her salon where it was time to pack Patti away. Reluctantly and slowly, I disrobed, removed my makeup, and shed those wonderful clothes and feelings of being a woman. What a sad and depressing transformation. It certainly was not nearly as much fun and exciting as becoming Patti had been! Annie helped me pack up my things and as we prepared to depart for the last time Annie said she liked to keep in touch with 'her girls' and hoped I would keep her informed of my progress. I was deeply touched by her sincerity and hope to do exactly that.
My experience as Patti and my first adventures out in public en femme thanks to Annie and Emerald Fantasy were over, but certainly never to be forgotten. The excitement of finally seeing Patti; the sight of me in full makeup and having to be careful of what I did so as not to spoil it; the caressing and comforting feel of my intimate apparel and hosiery; the look and feel of high heels on my feet, earrings dangling from my ears, a wig and long hair forming a halo about my head, and the look and feel of a blouse, slacks and of course a knee-length skirt. All of this in addition to the glorious feeling of walking on the street in busy throngs of people as the woman I feel myself to truly be. Such elation to be a WOMAN and to be seen as Patti! Truly an unforgettable experience and one I shall cherish forever, thanks to Annie.
If you ever get the chance, experience the Emerald Fantasy for yourself. Information can be found at www.emeraldfantasy.com . Tell Annie I sent you!
Are you ready to release the inner you?